Day 10

Good morning. The photo above shows how I look when I think about school starting in ten days. That photo was taken around 6:30 this morning, half a mile into the Upper Walnut Creek trail here in Raleigh. It was cold this morning, only 69 when we set out on the trail. It is still only 75 outside, and I find that to be a bit chilly after the last few warm days.

Friday I went down to Wake County and got my last needle before starting school. This one cost me 75 dollars for 5 minutes and a little pain. I have nothing more to do in preparation for school now. On the 20th the year begins, but the first official day of classes is Wednesday the 22. My first class of the term is a course on English Romanticism. We will be reading Frankenstein among other texts, likely to include some of Wordsworth and Coleridge's poetry.

My loans for the year received approval last week, so I should be ok financially this year. I won't be able to buy my dream house, but I will be able to pay my bills and eat. Speaking of bills, I looked around to see how to tell Edulinx and the Canada student loans that I have changed address and how to keep my loans in stasis while attending grad school in NC. They do not make it easy to find the information, nor to help one to make those changes. Even a note sent through the contact me link was unproductive. The only thing I can do is send out a snail mail letter and hope to get a response before November when the loans become active.

I am not sure what I am going to do this week, but I feel I should do something as this is the last week before school takes control of my life. If I had a car I would drive down to the ocean and let the crabs bite my toes.

Fortnight

If pride comes before a fall, I need to buy a parachute. I am extremely proud of my Bachelor of Arts degree, for a high school drop out it is the evidence of a dream achieved. I have less ego invested in the poetry prize, but only in comparison to the degree. I have invested three and a half years, full time, in to the degree, and almost 30 years of dreaming. The poetry prize allows me to have a little confidence as I begin the MFA program that I might have some potential in the art I love. I have yet to frame anything. A frame and mat that will fit the degree is going to cost me 100 dollars. I could frame the other things I have to frame for much less, I suppose, but appearance is also important.

There is a weather action advisory in place today. We should reach the high 90's, and the ozone levels will be near dangerous levels. I am excited by this news, extreme heat is a novelty that I hope soon grows old. I look forward to the day when I can complain like long term residents about the horrid heat. But I am still wrapped up in feeling the ache of winter easing out of my memory. 40 below does not seem so real when it is 100 above. It is now 9:20 and the temperature is 80.

The level of excited anticipation is rising in this house. In only two weeks the next stage of my education begins. I first began dreaming of obtaining an MFA in 2002, right after attending the Dodge Poetry Festival in New Jersey. As I enter State this fall I will begin working on completing that goal. Five years to get here from where I was no longer seems so long. Not only am I in a totally different physical location, but emotionally, intellectually, and socially. Life changes are often so gradual as we live them that it can be hard to recognize we have made great changes. At this moment, I am very much aware of how far I have come. There is a long way to go, but there will always be a long way to go. Bit clichéd , but the road ahead twists and turns, and I am excited by what hides around the next bend.

I once thought I would never say this, but I am. I am happy with my life. Chasing a dream, whether I achieve it or not, is reward enough. As Milosz said, only the moment is eternal. I am enjoying this moment.

July ends

I received an email from the MFA director at State yesterday. He was notifying all MFA students of a meet and greet on the 21^st, which was latter rescheduled for the 20^th due to conflicts with scheduling. Along with the notice, he included a few files that had reading lists and requirements for students to fulfill before graduation. Most of it is just intimidating, but the book list for the MFA exam in a year and a half is scary. They have 15 books that I have to read, some rather large ones, plus I have to choose another 10. Then one Friday at noon I will pick up the question, take it home, and have to have a 15-20 page essay ready by noon Monday. I do have some of the books already, but I will have to get at least another 8. Here is the required reading list for the poetry section:

M.F.A. REQUIRED READING LIST IN POETRY

1. Helen Gardner, ed. The Metaphysical Poets

2. M.H. Abrams, ed., Norton Anthology of English Literature: The Romantic Period

3. Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

4. Emily Dickinson, Collected Poems

5. William Butler Yeats, The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats

6. T.S. Eliot, Collected Poems

7. Langston Hughes, Selected Poems

8. William Carlos Williams, Collected Earlier & Later Poems

9. Wallace Stevens, The Palm at the End of the Mind

10. W.H. Auden, Selected Poems

11. Robert Lowell, Selected Poems

12. Elizabeth Bishop, Collected Poems

13. Anne Sexton, The Complete Poems

14. Sylvia Plath, Ariel

15. Seamus Heaney, Selected Poems

A limited number of substitutions of other books by the same authors are possible, with the consultation of your advisor. In addition, you must supply a list of ten books of your own choosing in consultation with your advisor, for a total of 25 titles. This list must be given to the graduate secretary no later than the first week of your final semester.

I went down to the library on campus yesterday morning. For the first time I went to the top floor, the ninth floor, to get a book. There are some windows all around the outside of the floor, and I found myself feeling a little displaced again. The trees are so thick through much of the city that the city is hidden. From the library I looked south toward where my home is, and all I could see was a mass of green with a few tall buildings, towers, and power lines sticking out here and there. I have a continuing sense of being at home and not being at home as I walk around Raleigh. And walk I did. I left the library heading north, made a right, and after half an hour when I had not reached Cameron Village (a strip mall with a Harris Teeter), I realized the road must have twisted a bit, and I was still walking north. I had to make two more rights to get to the mall. I learned from this experience to always carry my compass with me. I am becoming quite comfortable with traveling on the buses, and can get to where I want quite easily. Riding the bus always takes a lot longer than going by car does, and even a short trip turns into a half day excursion.

I have 21 days until school starts. The summer was too short. Panic rises, and I considering running away. There must be some warm Caribbean island that would love to have me.

The last ten days (time flies when you are frustrated) have gone by quickly. I spent most of the last week doing some cleaning and upgrading of the computer I am using. It was slow and clunky, took forever to shutdown and start up. After all the changes it is running much better now. I have not yet bought any frames for my diplomas and degree. Ones that will work are too expensive, and the cheap ones will not work. Until I can find some reasonable compromise, I will not be displaying my achievement.

I have not had much luck cooking for the last ten days. I undercooked some nice brown basmati rice on the 18th. I ate leftovers for the time when Carol was gone, and they turned out fine. Since she has returned I have accidentally cooked some barley instead of rice (brice or rarely?) and over salted my creamy curried veggies.

I went for a nice walk with Carol this morning. We wandered around Pullen Park, which is near State. It is not a great park, but they do have an antique carousel. It was closed when we were there, but I shall return another day and get some photos of it when I can. There should be a link on the side to some photos taken in the park. The palm at the top of the page was also taken in the park. The palm trees are tiny, but us northern bred types take what we can get and enjoy the warmth.

After all the upgrades I made to this computer, the music sounds not half bad all thing considered. I missed my good tunes, and I still miss my large speakers, the space they gave the music cannot be replicated in the tiny desk speakers I have. Though they do not sound too bad.

I am starting to become fond of my little office. If only I had a 26 inch flat screen monitor, or the money to be able to consider buying one. The hardest part about being a student, and now a grad student, is the lack of money.

Graduate Perks

We had a real soaker of a storm last night. You might not be able to tell from the above photo, but everything is still dripping. While it was raining we were watching Titus, a film from Julie Taymor staring Anthony Hopkins. If you like Shakespearean tragedy, this is the story for you. It has rape, sacrifice to idols, murder, rebellion, and cannibalism just to round the story out. Taymor did a good job with the film, though I am not sure all her decisions work well.

Carol left this morning for Portland. She won't be back until Saturday. Her daughter is getting married, and she is off to celebrate the event. Interestingly enough, my Canadian checks were deposited in my American account yesterday, so I could go pick up a few kegs and hire some dancing girls if I were so inclined. I find very little desire to do so this morning. I was up too late last night and up again too early this morning. I guess I am getting old when my idea of a good time becomes stretching out on the couch and reading comp/rhet theory.

I think I will spend some of the money on getting a frame for my parchment degree. I was at State's library and came home with a few books. One benefit of being a grad student is that I get a 90 borrow period with two renewals. I could keep these books for 9 months!! I think I might get to like being a grad student.

Back Deck Ramble

Some people have called me crazy for sitting out here on the back deck this afternoon. But I think it is wonderful. The current temp is 85, there is a light, intermittent breeze, and I get to laugh at the birds as they eat, or pick through their snacks. The big prize for them is a sunflower seed, and they will gladly toss out other seeds until the get one. I have a tall glass of pink lemonade (powdered stuff, not the real thing) sitting beside me, and I have a pile of books and my notepad to make snarky comments should I feel the need to do so. This is as close as an ideal situation for me as I can find. All I need to have a perfect afternoon is some quiet music playing in the back ground. Instead I hear a morning dove singing below the traffic, and a few song birds in the trees. I can only identify the chic-a-dee that comes to eat (and the nasty, evil, squirrel). Most of the other birds, other than an occasional cardinal, are mysteries to me. Even with a bird book I cannot identify them.

I went for a walk with Carol this morning, and then again this afternoon. So far today we have walked around 3 miles. Virtue comes with a nice walk, apparently. The second walk was to another strip mall. This one has a Blockbuster, a theater, and some eateries and a drugstore. We had lunch at a Mideastern place, falafel and hummus. After lunch we saw an Ethiopian restaurant and were sorry we did not go there instead. Tomorrow we plan a long walk around the Lake, well, around part of it. Three birds were trying to eat from the feeder just now. I am only ten feet away, occasionally my feet get hit by bird seed.

Hopefully I can get a few more photos of different birds this afternoon.

It is a wonderful afternoon.

Sunday July 15: Just back from the long Sunday stroll, nothing much to add just this moment, but if you are interested links to some photos have been added to the photo links under today's date.